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Random Ramblings
03 April 2015 @ 09:36 pm
Lashun suspected that Dan was seeing someone while she lay dying in the hospital, something she did not confide in me - probably because I made no effort to hide my hatred of him. Apparently, he's now dating and has moved in with the girl he was suspected of seeing.

I know you can't make someone see when they choose to wear blinders but the aftermath of her decisions to continue a relationship and to have a child with someone as horrible as that man is just a damn shame. I knew how he was and made the hard decision to move away from my friendship with my friend, I loved her but couldn't be in her life because I knew too much about him. And the sad thing is, everything I knew, is what everyone else is beginning to know based on his actions during her illness and after she passed.

It's a damn shame made worse because now her mother is finding out more than she ever knew not to mention that she has to interact with his family - which has it's own issues - and it's killing her.

>>To be continued
 
 
Random Ramblings
27 August 2014 @ 10:08 pm
It's been hard but I've spoken to both families and I think the custody thing is figured thankfully. As suspected L's mom just wants to be a grandmom NOT a mom, D's mom was afraid of not being able to be a grandmom. The fact remains that he will not be able to really take care of her given his past... and his lack of skill set or vision for the future but... he is her dad. Still, poker really isn't a career choice especially when you're loose all the time but whatever.

That being said everyone's gathering in the next day or two and then she'll be taken off of life support.

It's surreal and a bit crazy and definitely sad.

I'm okay though. I don't know how to quite put it into words but I guess I grieved when she first went into the hospital last year and now it feels like it's just acceptance.
 
 
Random Ramblings
22 August 2014 @ 12:00 am
As Lashun begins to make her journey to the other side the grandmothers have begun to fight over custody of her little one. Rather, I just received a chain mail from Dan's mother detailing what's been happening with her health and treatment with a little bit of spite regarding Lashun's mom and what she believes that she is attempting to do.

The thing is... Dan is not able to take care of a child at this point in time. I'm in agreement with Lashun's mom on that. He has no source of income, hasn't paid any bills, car note, house note, has no food in the refrigeration, has that little issue with the police record that I'm assuming prevents him from getting a job, is slightly unhinged (bipolar) and once my friend passes he will loose his shit. He's all ready lost so much weight from not eating and managed to get sick enough so that he can not visit her in what might be her final days. This campaign that his mother is attempting is in poor form at least for the moment.

Also... sending the issue out in a email even if only a few friends and family see it, it's enough. I wonder if she realizes that I'm on the list or if I'm okay because she assumes I'm team Dan?

I'm team M and P, the girls and my sole purpose, what Lashun would want, is to make sure that they're both okay and taken care of. P's father makes good money, lives close to me and can take her. He's also dating a woman who has a child her age. But the custody of M... it's a tough one. I want Dan to be a father to her, aside from all the shitty things he's done and I hate him for, the man loves his kid. But... love can't put food on the table.

Lashun's mom was not the best mother to her in life nor during this time where she is facing death. One of the complaint's Dan's mom has is that C. has not been there with her much during this whole ordeal. That's the same complaint I had with her family that I never did get. Your daughter needs open heart surgery, for instance, but don't come to hold her hand. She's dying of cancer and can't breathe and her boyfriend's mom flies out to be with her while she's getting poked? There are many things I dislike about C. and with the letter that L. put out, there's a few things I don't like about her either however... both women just need to chill the fuck out.

At this point, I think I'm just going to stand back and see what becomes but ultimately I guess I hold the power unbeknownst to both families and I need to figure out what I'm going to say or do when the time comes.

As for Lashun she had a moment of alertness, I keep missing them, but last night her heart stopped and she turned blue. The nurse called the family and asked them what her advance directive was. I don't think she'll be with us much longer now but her not being in pain any longer is a good thing.
 
 
Random Ramblings
18 July 2014 @ 08:19 am
I need to vent.

I had forgotten how much I disliked D, my best friend's partner. Over the last few years and also during the time she was diagnosed with the cancer, my interaction with him was limited and she chose not to tell me that unfortunately the same antics that he was up to when they first met were the same that he continued while she was being treated for cancer... and worse.

I drove down to San Diego today to visit her in the hospital. On Tuesday he called me and told me that she had gone into ICU and was on a ventilator because she was having difficultly breathing and could not do it on her own. In his words, she was on her death bed and EVERYONE needed to come immediately to say their goodbyes. It's sent everyone in a tailspin and the family are going there this weekend. On the way down I received a call from her mother and we had a long good talk.

I admit I was very upset that she did not go to be with her daughter when she had open heart surgery and a few other things but after talking to her... I get it. My best friend made her promise that her first and only duty was to take care of the kids and make sure they were okay. She didn't want them to see her like that, this was before ICU. But now... I understand more clearly and then she begin to open up about everything that made me remember WHY I disliked Dan.

She had wondered why I wasn't as close to L and had stopped going down there and I finally admitted to her that I hated Dan. I could not stand him and the only reason I was more civil to him was because of the baby whom I adore. It surprised her but she understood and opened up to me a few things that shocked her - she doesn't know everything but she knows enough that's made her form her own opinions about him without me ever saying anything to her.

When I went to visit yesterday, the neighbor came over and told me even more of what had been going on - she's very close with L and it's a shame that L chose someone like that to be in her life. Its been a continuation of horrific things and I'm aghast.

It got to the point where the nurses from the cancer ward kicked him out of her room and told him not to come back. It's not that he's acting out, it's just the way he is. And it makes you remember to always have people in your life that you trust to be there for you during your most difficult times who will not stress you out.

It concerns me that he's all ready putting her in the grave when even her doctor has given her a 50/50 fighting chance. It concerns me that he is in charge, until her family arrives, of the medical decisions and after speaking with the nurse a few left my mouth on the ground. It concerns me hearing that my best friend was upset and tired because while she was out the first time, he did nothing to help her - she continued to do things as she was not a person fighting for her life and he continued to expect her to instead of stepping up to help in any way possible. She even spoke about kicking him out just last week. A story I've heard over and over with her but having to deal with it while she was in intensive care? Sigh. It concerns me that he's fighting with her mom, who told him that she thought it would be best to leave the 3 year old back in Chicago while she and the teenager come. I actually pulled him over before I left and asked if he was sure and told him if she comes he would have to take care of her, it would be time away from L and I thought he needed to spend time with her instead of trying to split time with her and taking care of a 3 year old. His response was well her 13 year old sister can take care of her (no Dan not every day and not overnight, she's not the parent you are), the neighbors could also (one neighbor told me although she loves M and would take care of her she doesn't want to be obligated to care for her every single second when he could have left her with her family), that her family who's coming to see L could and that his brother could. Everyone except for him.

Then why bring her back home?

There's so much more and it was overwhelming but as I called it when he first came into her life I see it now and it's so sad that others see it too and he's not improving he's the same.

The family asked me yesterday more and although I let it be known I disliked him, I kept most of the things to myself and let them rant about what they saw. They were not far off from why I disliked him.

Anyways thankfully they're coming and can help with her healthcare better. Her mom and step dad are cancer survivors and very level headed. If she can pull through this and get a bone marrow transplant then they'll take her back to Chicago where she'll be around family and have more support. Kind of wish she would have moved there in the first place when this craziness begun. Having to go through it alone because of distance is sad. The whole thing has been a sad mess.

Just a side note, I did see her. She was on a rotating bed wrapped up like a mummy so all I could see was her nose and shoulder. Tubes were everywhere. It was actually serene and calm, a bit fascinating but not devastating. I'm more devastated that her last remaining years, months, days were filled with emotional manipulation, stress and aggravation.

I'm so glad that the person I chose to be in my life is a good man. Yeah we had some rough times in the beginning but I tell you, as much as I write here about what's been happening and has happened is only a small snippet of whats going on. And even though in the end it was always her choice alone I feel so sorry that she had to deal with it during what may be the end of her life.
 
 
Random Ramblings
11 July 2014 @ 11:05 am
It's been about 2 months since my mother has left the grips of my cousin in Chicago and she's doing great. Took her about 1 month to make friends and integrate herself in her apartment community I chose and another couple of weeks to solidify that. Now she's very active in the community, I feel like I need to make an appointment to see her she's always out and about. Swimming lessons, trips, lunch, parties, etc. The woman is always on the go and it feels good that I located such a great place for her despite my aunt not wanting to help her secure my first choice and my cousin trying to keep her in Chicago (to further mooch off of her and treat her like a servant/nanny).

In the seven months she spent there, she managed to gain a lot of weight and do absolutely nothing. In the two months she's been back in California she's managed to loose weight and do absolutely everything.

She did however get diagnosed with pre-diabetes which is interesting because in all the time she was in California before, she was fine. Spent that time in Chicago with the cousin from hell and bam! She developed health issues. She also has heart complications and severe leg pain. Since she's been back... no heart or leg pain. Scares me to think if she had stayed there any longer they would have 'killed' her.

And still... even though she's in a happier place now, my cousin is trying to get her back to Chicago.

Daily my mom seems a bit more irritated with her and all her lies and scams. I guess the more you're removed the more you "see it".
 
 
 
Random Ramblings
04 July 2014 @ 11:08 am
Spoke to L the other day she's in a foul mood as the doctor won't release her because he still wants to do more test. She'd rather be at home, he'd rather figure out why she can't lay flat without complications. Did a Bronchoscopy and wants to do a mri / cat scan but because she can't lay flat they are trying to figure out alternative ways to see. So they are waiting and not releasing her. I get this. When I speak with her, I don't know if she actually does - or cares? All she wants is to get back home. All they want is to try to treat her. He's been a good doctor, a very good cheerleader for her as well as the staff.

He asked her if she was still with her partner, you know... the one I hate looser that he is. He wondered because during her out patient treatments the first six months of this year, not once did he see him come to the treatment centers with her so he figured that she was driving herself which she was. He also found out that she had been eating junk food while out and did not wear mask / wash her hands and subjected herself to the flu virus which I believe she got (from kissing her kids when they were infected). He was not happy. He told her "This is serious." and that she needed to start acting like it.

And that's the thing. It IS serious and throughout the whole event, she's done very counteractive things and said things I simply don't agree with / never had. And I know I've mentioned this before but it's something that has always bothered me - I feel because she tried to ignore it and use her homeopathic treatments for obvious signs that something may be wrong (hair falling out, night sweats, huge lumps in neck - thyroid?, not being able to sleep laying down and the cough that would not quit) because colloidal silver fixes everything... when she finally went to the doctor with pneumonia I think by that time... 2 years later... it was too late. Now there's the tumor near her heart intertwined with the major arteries that IS cancerous and interferes with her lung and even though they removed 90% of it recently through the open heart surgery... it's too late. And it pisses me off. She waited too long and its too late. And it may be selfish of me but I feel my anger is justified because even though she makes my head spin, she still is and has been a friend for over 25 years. My best friend I guess.

In talking with her the other day, she told me of the stress in dealing with - surprise her partner. How he's continued to do things against the grain of someone that is... normal (no surprise there). And she doesn't think if she does go home, that he will be able to help her in the ways she needs to be helped so she's taken his mother's offer to come and stay with her to help. Why her mother hasn't done the same is beyond me but not my family so.... Good on her partner's mom. As much as I dislike him, I have always loved her to death. I also suggested that my friend be open to having a nurse come and check in every few days. This person could help bath her if need be and get her clothes on. She wasn't too keen on it but I believe taking the burden off of loved ones is a good thing. Her partner's mom can help but there are certain things that a nurse can do to help more as they've been trained to and the stress doesn't build up. I think this is why her doctor asked if she was still with her partner and apparently also suggested a home aid as he's uncertain about the ability of her partner helping out.

Another issue is that she has kids. The kids are with grandmom #1 right now - her mom and her partner. One is 3-4 and the other 15. The 15 year old's father is here. We haven't really spoken deeply about it but it's been on my mind constantly. If something happens... when it does... the father will take over the duties of raising the 15 year old and I believe the grandmother's the baby as her father probably won't be up for the duty as a full time dad, can't even get a job because of a huge prior and not bringing in income, they survive on the income she receives from her ex. It's going to devastate the 15 year old and I'll have to step in as she considers me a second mother. It's pretty damn heart breaking and though I want to think positive thoughts the fact that she's gone back in and it seems worse this time has gotten me very worried that we'll loose her sooner rather than later.

I thought she had it beat but it's spreading fast. So I write.
 
 
Random Ramblings
23 April 2014 @ 09:15 am
I guess one of the biggest reasons that I'm having these crazy cancer scare issues is that on my father's side... everyone dies of it. They were big drinkers and smokers so I assume that could have helped trigger things but my cousin (my dad's sister's daughter) who is 50 just got diagnosed with breast cancer not to mention my cousin who is what I came to actually talk about today.

My cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer late last year, had a lump she ignored and when she finally went it they told her it had grown enough so she needed to have the breast removed. Her then teenage daughter, well she was 19 at the time, had gotten pregnant by her longterm off / on boyfriend in an effort to keep him we all suspect. After pleading with my mother, who had moved to one of the islands for a long holiday AND to save a bit of money (St Croix I believe) as she could live rent free, my cousins coaxed her into leaving this paradise and coming to Chicago in the middle of the winter to help them out. I had told my mom when she first mentioned it NOT to do it but she ignored my request and snuck there anyways (I was under the assumption she was going to go to Florida for a couple of weeks then head back to Los Angeles).

Every since my mom has been there it's just been a pure nightmare. My mom likes to help people but six months later her patience has waned and she sees that set of relatives as I've always seen them and it's not in the best light.

Since my mom got there she was asked to pay $500 a month to help out. My cousin M. receives assistance from the government (note, she is in my opinion a welfare queen and the kind of people that the public hates as we're paying for her laziness) - so the majority of her apartment is paid for and she gets food vouchers so her refrigerator is always full and her utilities always paid for. My well to do aunt N. gives her money as well. She also received a huge tax refund to the tune of 8k recently so the only thing she really pays for is her $475 car note. Yep.

Last month I asked her in an attempt to lighten the load for my mom so she could save a little and get out of there. I received a hostile email back letting me know that she, my cousin, had been taking care of herself since she was 18 (she's been on welfare since she was 18 and now she's 50) and the arrangement my mother and her have is no business of mine and also, pointing out that I have taken money from my mom as well and maybe I needed to work on that. It's true that I have borrowed from my mom while my husband was awaiting his work visa but the thing is, one she's my mom, and two we have this unspoken agreement where her money is my money and mine is hers. We've always shared our money and when I have it and she needs it its hers and vice versa. I always put back the amount I borrow and she always puts back the amount she borrows and if neither of us do, neither of us have an issue with it. It might not be conventional but its been us against the world for a long time. And for a long time, my cousin has had her hand out to my mom. I never had an issue with it to be honest, I thought she needed it, my mom had it and she shared it with no expectations of getting it back. My only issue begin when it seemed that she was taking advantage of my mom and more so after going off on me after I asked if she would let my mom off of paying her for a month since she received a check for 8k so my mom could move. And the fact that after she went off on me, she had a screaming fit at my 70 year old mother.

And now I'm mad.

For the six months my mom has been there, the woman refused to let my mom borrow the car so she could get out of the house so for the whole winter she, my mom, was stuck in her bedroom more of less and if she ventured out, she was afraid she'd break her leg on the ice, something she had done 20 years ago and didn't want to go through again. They, my cousin nor her daughter or grandmom (mom's sister) for that matter, did not drive her around not even on Sundays to church and got attitudes when she asked for simple things like taking her to the store. So she just jumped on the bus to get around. My 70 year old mother.

When my niece J. had the baby, it took her about two weeks to get back on her feet and when she did she gave the baby to my mom and hit the streets. For the last few months my mom has been taking care of a newborn for 8-12 hours a day while the mom hung with her friends, the grandmom had better things to do (granted she had her breast removed but then again, she was well enough to go to the mall and shop and spend the 8k she got back from taxes) and the greatgrandmom was running around with her married boyfriend. My mom is the matriarch of the family now, the oldest, and shouldn't be taking care of a month old baby for long periods of time.

They are also receiving money from the government for babysitting and have offered none of the money to my mom even though she babysits 90% of the time.

So my mom gets to live there, pay rent, pay for food and forced to babysit a baby for extended periods of time without any compensation and my cousin gets an attitude with me for asking her to ease up just one time.

And recently we've figured out that my cousin and N. are conspiring to try to get my mom to stay there as their unpaid nanny. They're trying anything they can to keep her from moving back to California and me even suggested she file for Bankruptcy and stay there so she could save. WTF, there are no bills on her credit report that she pays. My mom's not as stupid as they think she is and is not happy. It's just been a total nightmare and I'm looking forward to getting her out of there as soon as she can.


Part 1
 
 
Random Ramblings
01 April 2014 @ 11:31 am
So the pain Im feeling is a throbbing one. Through the right shoulder blade, under the arm (on the ribcage), in my right breast, my lower back (right side), right thigh and right leg. Most times it's subduded but every once in awhile, like now, it's more pronounced and I've had to take a couple of high strength aspirin to help ease the pain I'm feeling. No amount of stretching or salonpas or hot showers or pads has helped. And every once in awhile my whole arm (right) is so weak I can't lift it.

Have another appointment at the imaging center and hoping that they will refer me to get an MRI or I'll have to pay out of pocket to get it taken care of quicker than they've been moving. This has been going on for awhile.
Tags:
 
 
Random Ramblings
28 February 2014 @ 06:34 am
My cousin, whose been on welfare since she was 18, went off on me when I asked her not to take money from my mother this next month so she would have enough to move into a new apartment.

She responded that ages been taking care of herself since she was 18 and what my mother have her was of no concern of mine furthermore if I hadn't borrowed money from her. .. my mother, she'd have extra money. She says she took my mom in because she was homeless and basically I should fuck off. Then proceeded to go of on my mom telling her that she took her in when she was homeless, she wouldn't be able to pay the rent if my mom left, and how dare I email her asking her to not take money from my mom since I've never once called to ask if she was okay (she has beat cancer and had her beat removed).

Good thing she blocked me from Facebook I had a mouthful.

It's funny to me that people on welfare collecting food stamps and housing vouchers forget that people who pay taxes are the ones who are taking care of them. The fact that this woman would suggest that I have no business getting loans from my mom (we mix our money so when I have some I give to her and vice versa) but she deserves open handouts and has taken them for years from my mom, the government and my rich aunt but not her own selfish mother who has never given her a dime. Neither of these women would help me if I were in the same situation. Any situation for that matter.

For her to suggest my mom was homeless.. pisses my mom off. She left a 1000 a week condo in St Croix or one of those Islands to help her because she asked before that she was living in marina del rey how she gets my mom was homeless is beyond me. She, my cousin, just got diagnosed with cancer, her crazy ass son is either bipolar or schizophrenic or both but no one seems to want to get him help and her 20 year old daughter got knocked up (both kids went to excellent schools - even my high school for a moment) and they both ended up a product of their society because she refused to move or of the neighborhood she was in. Shes been on welfare for 20 years and cant keep a job and scams everyone she can. My mom went to help instead she was asked to pay 500 a month and take care of a 2 week old baby while the young mother goes to party more. They also don't drive my mom places nor offer to let her use their cars but seem okay with her giving them money and being a nanny.

Is it any wonder I hate my family?

Can't wait to get her out of this mess.
 
 
Random Ramblings
25 January 2013 @ 08:59 am
It continues to amaze and mystify me, some of the questions my customers ask me. Sometimes annoying, often amusing, extremely mind-boggling questions.

"I need to make sure it's silver."
The item cost 2.50 - what do you think?

"Are they safe for 11-14 year olds?"
Huh? Are you asking if it contains lead/is nickle free OR are you asking if a preteen-teen might get hurt wearing a heart shaped pendant. Those pendants can be quite testy at times.

"How much is it?"
Seriously? Every item has the price listed right next to the photo and you're seriously asking me how much it cost.

"What color is it?"
Blink. Not only is there a photo of the item, the color is in the title AND in the description.

Yep, the more I deal with people, the more interesting they become.

There are more, maybe I'll jot some down later.

Another thing that's happening is a competitor of mine has taken to copying every single item she can from my shop including the photo style. If I run downtown to get something, a day or two later her shop will feature the same damn thing. There are over 100 different pieces to choose from and she gets what I've purchased. I wouldn't have noticed if she didn't find me on a supplier's site and purchase exactly everything I left a review for. I shit you not. Item for item, and this supplier also has about 100 things she could have chosen from. The B* even picked things that I swore never to purchase again on account of them being very hard to sell. The good thing is, she's stuck with them, I lowered the price of them and got rid of the offending items. But yeah, it's been very annoying seeing merchandise I've researched pop up on her page after I've purchased them. I hadn't realized it back then but now I know she's a follower.

There was another shop, sold Basketball Wives earring accessories (which is how I got my start), she sold them as well and now I realize that she copied her shop and when that trend died down (I stopped selling it because simply it didn't appeal to me) she began to copy mine as the popularity of the items and style I've chosen has exploded as of recent. So anyways, I've decided to shop in places that she can't find unless she does some deep research to see if that'll curb her desires to follow. I understand seeing something another shop has and you want it in your shop too however item per item is creepy especially when there's so much and keeping your individuality in my opinion seems to be the way to make the most money, not jump on the skirt tails of someone else.